I Am Procrastinating
Or I was, at least.
For the past two hours, I've been doing important things. I printed my report in English that is due tomorrow. I arranged my stuff. I answered messages from friends. I read some stuff off my list of "Articles to Read Soon". I even worked on homework.
But all this pales into insignificance when I count the fact that I haven't done the one thing I was supposed to do tonight. I was supposed to study for my Chemical Calculations exam on Friday.
I did give it a half-hearted start a while back. I read through the stuff I'd written for that class, and I looked up some important values that I needed to go over the subject matter. I even got out my calculator to do all the problems.
That was it, though.
I still didn't get down to the nitty-gritty part of the work. In fact, study Chem Calc has been on my To Do list for the past three days.
I know, I know. Just do it, everyone says. That's what my sister --- who is really disciplined and outstandingly good at prioritizing, by the way --- would be saying if she were here now.
I've been procrastinating since I was in primary school. Maybe even since kindergarten. And all I can say is it's one of the worst habits I have.
Maybe it's because I'm such a perfectionist. I often freeze up when I think about how big the task I'm supposed to be doing is. Thoughts like "How am I going to do this?" and "Oh gosh, this is so hard!" go through my brain like the marquee at a movie showing. And so, I. Just. Stop.
I think about other things to do that seem easier. I go out, answer my e-mail, check inconsequential accounts on the internet, and whatnot. I do all these things with the Very Big Task hanging over my head. And I pretend it's not there until I can't do a thing about it.
I can remember two or three times when I actually cried because there was too much to do for the next day. Those times were usually accompanied by sleepless nights and a lot of frustration. It would be an understatement to say those times were extremely stressful. They could have been prevented if I'd been doing work weeks before though.
On the bright side, I am recovering. I've gotten into the habit of telling myself things that look overwhelmingly difficult to do aren't so bad in baby steps. I've started studying for exams about three days in advance. I do school stuff the day I get them so I won't end up frazzled the hour before they're passed. And best of all, I do things I enjoy after the work is done so that I actually get to enjoy them without worries in the back of my head.
But like any recovering addict, I still occasionally slip up. Like now.
It'll be a long climb before I end up kicking this habit, and I pray God will guide me through it. But I guess nothing's worth having if it wasn't hard to get.
Losing procrastination will definitely be worth my peace of mind.
Daisy on 1/16/2008 08:09:00 PM